C.o.S.y.C

A family in need of a helping hand! Please read!

CoSyC — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:00:47 +0000

Ok, this is not like me to be asking ANYONE for a favor but we are in deep and need ahelping hand. Our current car is a 97′ Taurus Wagon that seats 8 very uncomfortably. This is not the problem. The problem is the car is VERY unsafe due to many mechanical issues that my wife and I can not afford to pay for. We have 4 children ages 4,4,3,1 and I no longer feel safe for my family in this vehicle. The car is on it’s last leg and it would be more logical to get a new vehicle than to dump money in the the current one. We have gone to different places to see what we can get for a trade in and all of the places are only willing to trade for a couple hundred dollars and want the rest in cash. We tried the cash for clunkers and our car is supposed to get 1 mile more per gallon than is allowed to qualify. So that didn’t work either.

The doors are falling apart, the inside is filthy and soiled, the front end needs repaired and I am not talking cosmetically. Everytime we hit a bump we ground out and/or hear a metal to metal sound. When we are driving you also here that sound when not even hitting bumps. VERY unsafe, but without a vehicle my wife can not work, my kids can not go to school and I can not make sure that they are all getting around to Dr appointments, run errands and look for employment myself.

So I wouldn’t do this unless it was for the best interest for my family. I wouldn’t be asking for a hand out on my blog, the internet, Twitter, etc. This has to happen though. We are saving too. Please don’t think I am asking for something and not trying to help myself as well. As of today I have $350 dollars saved and will have more in the coming weeks. My goal is $2000 or more. However long it takes, but the sooner the better. I have set up a Paypal account for anyone, I mean ANYONE, that would like to contribute to my cause. I assure you that ANY money that is donated will be used for the purpose of getting my family into a clean, SAFE vehicle that is appropriate for our needs. Nothing fancy, just a reliable family van that is a resonable price in sound mechanical condition.

I thank everyone in advance for reading and/or making a donation. There is NO set amount to donate. $1 gets me closer to my goal. I will be sure to add pictures of my current vehicle today in an update and when I have obtained our family van, will also add pictures of EVERYTHING to assure anyone that they made a great choice and for a great cause.

Sincerely,

Eddie Dollman Jr and Family.
To make a donation please CLICK HERE!

A headache, heartburn and an 11 month old child.

CoSyC — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 06:57:25 +0000

It is 2:25am and how crazy is it that I am writing in this journal at the beginning of the month about my son. Who at the moment is content just walking around playing with a booklight that I got with the “snuggie” I bought my wife recently. Earlier he woke me up crying this awful cry and then when I tried to comfort him just continued. Finally mom got up, bless her, and he calmed down. I guess every male does need his mother. It was almost like he wanted nothing to do with me which is not like him. ( now he is eating his animal cracker and cooing and doing the baby thing ) After four kids I still don’t fully understand them. Each child is definitely their own being and NO two are alike. Micah is a great baby 99% of the time. Doesn’t ask for much, rarely cries, loves to get into everything, and always and I do mean ALWAYS, has a smile on his face. At 11 months he is now walking and has a total of six teeth, that we can see. He is a beautiful child, and like his sisters and brother, has a bright future ahead of him. We are blessed, (knock on wood ) that none of our children have had any mental or physical setbacks. They are truly a miracle.

On anther note, I have wicked heartburn and a slight headache from the alcohol and Mc Donald’s I consumed before I went to bed. The headaches are an ongoing problem that are becoming a little too frequent for my liking. The heart burn is something that I am sure that I got from my mom because she had a bad acid reflux problem. They both seem to happen more when I drink I know the only solution. As of today October 1st, 2009 I am taking a vow of sobriety. I have kicked smokes, and pot and I know that I can successfully let go of this demon for good as well. I don’t have it around me all the time, meaning that the wife is a social drinker. With the constant changes in my body the morning after having a few drinks, this is a change I am ready to make. My mom did it for over 20 years, I am sure I can do it for the rest of my life. I have a good support system and I know that I can do this. I believe more now than I have before that I have the willpower to do this. I will give updates on my progress and I am sure that I will be using my journal as another way to continue my road to success. Damn, my head hurts. Now having said that, Micah is in bed, I am tired, a few things to do here online, then off to bed. Good night.

Is this the end of the world?

CoSyC — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:32:33 +0000

I am starting to wonder if the beginning of the end of the world is upon us? From Katrina, to the endless earthquakes in the middle east, etc.. All I hear about on the news, internet and other media is about death by nature. I thought that it was bad enough to hear about the endless war on ourselves, but now this. I don’t even know what to think. I know I am scared that is for sure. We are all afraid of what we have NO CONTROL OVER! Mother nature is a beautiful thing. She is also a powerful, unpredictable, unforgiving BITCH that can take out anyone and anything at anytime! We are at her mercy everyday of our lives.

Sometimes I think it is just a way of population control on “her” part. As we continue to use and abuse our planet, “she” takes a little here and a little there to make sure that we don’t over do it. Might be a little too late but better late than never. We can all thank the immigrants and Chinese for that. Who are the ones getting there asses handed to them, eh um? See what I mean? There are also other things like global warming that play a great role in what is happening too. Just take a look at the discovery channel or the history channel when you get a few seconds in your day. I can’t seem to channel surf anymore without one of those channels showing me yet another example of how the world is going to end. I wonder what it is like to get paid to put people into a constant state of fear for the rest of their life? I being one of them.

Then there is the religious side of things. Those who think this is “Revelations”, and that GOD and the bible said this would happen. I think anyone can predict that the world will end. I mean it IS inevitable, isn’t it? However, to talk about it nonstop, over and over and over again is a little much. I want to live life, not be in constant fear of death. This is why I am writing in my journal. It keeps me sane, so far, when I need it most. When I find myself at a point where I am unsure or afraid, I just let it out in words. I am finding that I don’t have that many people in the world that I can depend on for support. So I have chosen this route. If you haven’t tried it, you should.

I can’t stand all the hate, terror, natural disasters etc. I want a world that we can be proud of not in constant panic…. How about you??

Life is a waiting game…

CoSyC — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:58:55 +0000

“Hurry up and wait!” That is what life is all about. A nonstop waiting game if you so choose to play. For example, you file for unemployment, fill out a job application, voting results, to get over a sickness, etc. All about waiting to get results. In some cases you can choose an alternate route that you may find gets you to the place you want to be or answer you want to get, a little faster. In most cases though, cutting corners only makes things take longer. I personally get very fussy and impatient when it gets to be too long. Or if I know something is going to happen like a vacation, package in the mail, and so on. It becomes like Christmas for me and I honestly lose sleep over it sometimes. I am beginning to understand why it is nearly impossible for a child to wait. When in the waiting room, making dinner, driving in the car, when 15 minutes to us isn’t all that long, it is an eternity to children. It often makes me take the time to slow down and take life with a grain of salt.

Although having to wait on life is often a hassle and inconvenience, we need not take advantage nor forget that we only have 1 life and should live it to it’s fullest each and every day. Each day is a blessing and to quote a favorite movie of my kids, Kung Fu Panda ( great movie ) ”Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that is why it is called the Present!” So waiting is life, there is no way around it. Finding ways to enjoy life while doing so is the real challenge. When in traffic and you just want to get home, breathe and enjoy that breath of fresh air. When waiting in line at the super market, look around and feel fortunate that you have the resources to be able to stand in line.

So in closing I would like to say this. When you get home to the ones you love, hug them. Love them to the fullest and never stop. Tell them everyday but most important SHOW THEM! Words are words, but actions speak much louder and are much more effective. Be proud of who you are and never forget. Live life, don’t let it live you. Or as I have said for a long time and do this within reason of course. “Live life, do whatever you want!”

N1H1, Swine Flu, a Government controlled virus!

CoSyC — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 11:28:12 +0000

I officially feel like death is calling my name. This “flu” is kicking my ass and getting worse by the day. I am taking multivitamins, airborne, Tylenol cold : severe symptom, and lots of water. Every day it gets worse and I get a new symptom of some sort. Today I wake up with a headache from hell, my chest is all messed up, my throat hurts, I have nasal congestion, and every time I cough I feel like my head is going to explode. I haven’t felt this bad in years. I hope this gets better before it gets worse but I know that is probably not going to happen. I don’t have the means to go to a doctor so I just might have to tough it out. I am actually scared of the N1H1 Virus. I have been since the first outbreak a few months ago. I have done every thing I can to prevent this from happening but it still came around. I am more afraid for my children than I am for myself. Honestly, I don’t even know if this is indeed the Swine Flu. However, the doctor said that this is the only strain that could be going around because the other hasn’t been “released” yet. I think this is some kind of government virus. I think they all are in most cases. How do we actually have to power to know when something is going to come out such as a virus. Come on! There has to be some kind of connection. I believe it has to do with population control. Whatever. I just want this to go away so that I can move on with my life. This sucks. I really hope that my wife doesn’t get it. We can NOT afford for her to get sick. My jaw hurts too. That is what started first. I thought that I had lock-jaw. It has been two weeks and it still hurts. THen I got this crap and now it is getting worse. I think that it is time for me to go to the hospital when Nina gets back from her class. We’ll see. Wish me luck!

Swine flu or not, we are all sick!

CoSyC — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:29:50 +0000

We took the kids yesterday to the doctor because they are all sick. They have “flu like symptoms” said the doctor. They weren’t tested for the N1H1 virus or “swine flu” but were given the drug Tamiflu to treat their illness. Along with others to treat an ear infection and a chest cold. So they are all home sick today and I am not feeling well either. Having four kids sick and being sick at the same time is crappy. They all want me to take care of them and I want someone to take care of me. Or at least just let me sleep it off. That, however, is not going to happen. Nina has to work and pay the bills, and then this weekend she has a class in St. Pete to get her X-ray certification. So I am solo for the most part and it is, and is going to be, hard as all hell to take care of them and myself. As a parent you have to do what you have to do no matter how bad you feel. This is going to be a test of my patience though. I already have a hard time not throwing them out the window. ( That was a joke ) Now, not feeling any better than they do… we will see.

Otherwise, I am just listening to the police scanner online. I love the Colorado feeds. Even though I used to run from the law, I am very fascinated by just listening to what is going on back home.

It’s time to make some changes.

CoSyC — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 13:46:25 +0000

It has been a little bit since my last entry and I am making some changes for the better in my all around life. Over the weekend the family and I went to the YMCA for the first time and went swimming. Everyone had fun, which is unusual. Most times we go out someone ends up crying or screaming and so on. Not this time though, it was really nice. Nina and I are starting to make some progress. I am practicing some new techniques and recommendations from a blog called “What She Needs From You”, that have been really making a difference. I am learning more about my wife and relationship just be following simple steps. So that is improving things around here. My unemployment is finally in the works since work is out of the question. My claim is going forward ans hopefully things will work out. I hate struggling. My family and I have been through way too much in the past year and can’t take many more hits.

I am currently listening to Country music for two reasons. I am trying to win Sugarland tickets for my wife and it calms me down. For some reason it is soothing in a way. Not full of hate like I usually listen to and not that crap rap that talks about sex, drugs and other bullshit. Speaking of which, KANYE WEST HATES WHITE PEOPLE! What he did to Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards was wrong and uncalled for. I hope you get what is coming to you. Time to grow up Kanye, can’t make an ass out of yourself and treat people badly when you want attention. Should have spent more time with your dead mommy!! Had to get that out, it was eating at me for days…

So I am trying to make better, more positive choices in the next couple of weeks and see what kind of results I get. I am going to stop drinking again for a while because I feel that it is getting out of hand. I have been doing well but I feel myself losing control and that I don’t want. I have been able to stay away from pot for over 3 months now and haven’t replaced it with alcohol like the last time. Stress has been more intense lately and I want to remain in control.

Your life is in your hands, choose wisely!

I knew made the right choice…. in my Best Friend.

CoSyC — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:08:25 +0000

Everyone has a best friend and mine just happens to be my wife. I love and care for her unconditionally and when things happen to her I try to be her best friend as well.

Nina has been having an issue with a lump in her breast for the past few months. She has gone to the doctor and has an ultrasound and so on. She was told that it was an “abnormal” cyst and that it was not cancerous. Great.. we thought. Now it is mid September and she is having another problem with the lump in her breast. Last night and today she has had a fowl discharge from her nipple that she compared to when our daughter get MRSA in a wound in her leg. Which I might add, was fucking nasty as all hell. But Nina is a team player and took care of that mess. Anyway, I of course go online and look at all possible scenarios and have gotten myself pretty worked up. Breast issues run in the ladies in her family and even caused lives lost. I have read that it could be cancer, could be a cyst that is formed in the milk duct after child birth and becomes infected after time, could be this or that. All of which I don’t want her to have to go through. But I don’t make the decisions that her body does. I can only stand by her side and be the best friend she needs right now. I am VERY worried about her and I am sure that she is even more worried than I am. IT is not about me though, and this is what I have to accept and I WILL. I just can’t stop thinking about the “what if’s.”

Nina has an appointment tomorrow and will see another doctor which is what she has wanted to do for a while now. A second opinion is never a bad thing, I don’t think. I just wish it didn’t have to come down to visible infection to get it done. I have been an ass for the past few days even longer on others. She doesn’t need that shit nor does she deserve it. So yeah this is opening my eyes to new things and the way I treat her. She IS my best friend and I want to be hers. I just hope that it’s not too late, in a few ways.

I love you Nina and I am here, by your side, FOREVER.

9-9-09 Just another day…

CoSyC — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 12:44:43 +0000

Yesterday I found out that my unemployment benefits are not going to be reinstated by Washington State. Instead they insist that Colorado is “potentially” going to be able to assist me in getting a claim there. However, I went to claim online and found out that a claim is already in my name. I don’t know how. I have never claimed there as far as I know. Unfortunately I think I know who is behind the claim if there is one… my step dad. He is the only one in the world that would have any information that would allow him to do it and the only one that I would even think had the nerve to do so to their own family. For his sake I hope this is all a mix up. If not he can plan on going back to jail for yet another felony. I don’t want to jump the gun but I am very unhappy about this while ordeal.

So what is next? Well whatever it is I hope it is positive because I don’t know how many more setbacks I can take.

Another day in paradise… pfft…

CoSyC — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 18:12:02 +0000

To day has started out shitty. I woke up, the kids are screaming as usual so there is no chance of sleeping in. I try to make an advance intimately with my wife and am told “if its not you it’s the kids!” This is not the first time I have been turned down and it seems to be more and more frequent as time passes in my marriage. So for the most part of the day I have kept my mouth closed in order to keep things from getting worse… fat chance. She has tried to talk to me and I have just been quiet until about a half hour ago. I finally had something to say about the way she way treating the kids and was told I was only saying something because I was mad because she shouldn’t wouldn’t “give me some!” So I told her that I could get it elsewhere and to shut the fuck up. Of course I would NEVER cheat, but I am tired of the non stop crap that comes out of her mouth. If it weren’t for my kids I wonder if we would have made it to the 5 year mark? Every time we fight it is nothing but past issues that are brought up and used as ammunition against me. I am not a saint by any means but at least I can leave shit in the past where it belongs.

So now she is hiding in the bedroom as usual and I am here in front of the computer. I have said over and over that I am not a babysitter for here and that her daily naps are bullshit. She can’t handle our kids and leaves the majority of the pressure on my shoulders. I really don’t know what the hell goes through that head because she never talks about anything unless she feels cornered and then it is a battle that leads to a war. I am so sick of being the bad guy in this relationship, with her and the kids. I am not the only parent but yet it feels like it. I need to get out, live, get a job, and make ME happy again. Until next time…